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Self+ISH

Let’s talk about the “L” word…

When I started the journey into paying attention to myself, I found Alex Elle and she’s become my best friend in my head. I follow her closely and her  self care routines have been super helpful to me. So when I got this email newsletter from her I thought of sharing it on here.

I still don’t have a total success in redefining relationships or letting go of some relationships. I’ve had to redefine a couple of relationships in the past few months. Some I left to “die” naturally some others I had to actively redefine. Some didn’t end pleasantly. Letting go is hard for me but I like what this article said “everyone any hold the space for closeness”.  I’m keeping that in mind from today and I really hope it helps me with boundaries in my relationships.  Read up and let me know what you think…

Let’s talk about the L word by Alex Elle

Letting go is difficult for me. I tend to hold on to things and people when I know I shouldn’t. Sometimes it’s out of guilt. Other times it’s because of fear of being judged or uncertainty. Nevertheless, allowing things to shift and drift in life is not always an easy task. I don’t think it’s supposed to be because lessons matter and hold weight. While on this journey of decluttering, removing, adjusting, and shifting, I’ve found that minimalism is teaching me to let go of things. Things are easy to toss in bags for the trash or the donation bin, but my heart is still having trouble letting go of people.

Analyzing this can be tricky because as an advocate for self-care and self-preservation, holding on to others to spare feelings isn’t healthy and can cause personal suffering. When I started my yoga, meditation and self-care excursion, I vowed that suffering was not allowed to make a home in my heart. This is where letting go for me gets hard. I do not like hurting people’s feelings, especially if I care about them, but I also refuse to suffer. So, balance is another lesson here that I try to learn on a daily basis. What’s been coming in my prayer and meditations lately is “everyone can’t hold the space of closeness.” For those of you also struggling with the let-go-blues too, allow me to offer you (and myself) this gentle reminder: Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. Sometimes it means, not right now (or even) maybe even not ever, and that is okay. 

Letting go often comes with the feeling of losing or missing out. Yes, not having access to something (or someone) forever is daunting. When it comes to shifting away from certain relationships, it literally makes my skin crawl to cut ties. My anxiety soars through the roof, and I tend to feel incredibly guilty. I much rather have a relationship naturally drift apart than having to be confrontational. I’ve gotten into this not so good habit of cutting ties in silence. In my self-care practice, I have been meditating on the “not ever” reconnecting part and speaking up in a way that is kind, loving, and gives the other person a chance to defend themselves (or not). Navigating through the waves of these issues may not always be comfortable, but it can be worth it in the long run.

Personally, having a fulfilled life requires boundaries. I am steadily learning to honor my boundaries all across the board; in my marriage, motherhood, friendships and career. If I choose to loosen my grip on something or someone, it’s for a reason, and I need to respect myself (and the other party) enough to acknowledge those reasons. My biggest lesson in all of this is that letting go doesn’t have to be tumultuous, dramatic, or come with the feeling of loss. Sometimes it’s serving a bigger purpose, opening other doors, creating room for growth and redemption.

You owe yourself the chance to experience something new. A large part of self-care is removing old bad habits and giving yourself opportunities that can enhance your life. Holding on to people, places and things out of comfort or worry will dim the light of your soul. Be brave and bold enough to loosen your grip, open your heart, and take care of yourself in a way that can ultimately translate into pouring goodness into the world, your relationships, and life walk. Be well! You’re not the only one on this path of love, loss, and learning.

With love,
Alex

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